I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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