Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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