how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
