On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
