I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
