my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
