Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
