I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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