I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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