I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize