I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish I only lived at night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My pussy is not your playground.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
