I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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