Can i not drive my cunt home
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
