it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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