You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
