I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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