did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
