I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
