If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
