Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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