i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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