Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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