If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
