Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
