Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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