my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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