Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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