so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
