remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
