are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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