I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
