I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
