That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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