i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
