Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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