You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
