thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
