My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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