My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
