Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize