It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
