i just wanna soil my oats bro
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
