Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
