Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
