dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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