you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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