You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
