Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
