WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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