doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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