ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
