Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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