you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
