you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
