omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
