You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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