Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
