My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
