i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
