with your own penis?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
