i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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