stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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