Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
