i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
