I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
