no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
