Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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