I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
