I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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