I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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