Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Boobs speak an international language.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
