I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
