I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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