I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
