She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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