i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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