my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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