hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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