Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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