it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
