dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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