Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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