i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
