I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
