I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
