im drinking this country out of the recession.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
