Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
