Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
